Reason #41: Fat Accent

If you're more than a little overweight, it affects your voice. Other people realize this. Do an experiment: Ask a skinny friend to do an impression of a fat person. She might drop her chin to make her face look huge. Maybe she'll bow her arms out at her sides to pantomime a wide girth. Most likely, she'll drop her voice and slur her words a tad, to emulate a "fat accent." This isn't just unfair stereotyping--excess weight affects your vocal mechanism. And not in a good way.

Reason #40: Bobsledding

While you don't need to be quite as lean as mean for bobsledding as you do for, say, speedskating (Have you seen Apolo Anton Ohno's legs? Lawd-a-mercy!), you do have to be unfat enough to fit into the sled. If you're too chunky, you won't be able to race down the icy track at a zillion miles an hour with three of your closest friends, or score a sweet gold medal for your country.

Reason #39: Vampirism

Odds are that vampires don't actually exist (sorry, Twilight fans). However, there's still a possibility, infinitessimal though it may be, that you could encounter a bloodsucker one evening in the near future and, through a bite to the neck, be recruited into the legion of the undead. If that happens, according to the rules and regulations for vampirism as set forth by Anne Rice, Bram Stoker, True Blood, Twilight and other vampire texts, your appearance at the time of your turning is how your fellow vamps, victims, slayers, etc. will see you for all of eternity. Meaning that if you're bitten and turned as a fatass, then a fatass you will be until the end of time. Or until someone stakes you, whichever comes first.

Reason #38: Laptop

Despite the name, it's a rare instance that someone actually works on her laptop while it's actually sitting atop her lap. I'm doing it right now...with a wee bit of difficulty. It turns out, it's hard to put your laptop atop your lap when your lap is already topped by your gut. Mine's not TOO bad, but any worse, and I'd have to hire a lap, so I could annex it and type atop that lap. BTW, the woman in the picture is using a LapDawg laptop desk that lets you more comfortably use your laptop while you're on the couch. She's also on the phone. Too much multitasking for me, but whatever beans your bags, babe.

Reason #37: Southwest Airlines

It's been all over Twitter, the blogosphere, and now major news outlets--director/actor Kevin Smith got sizeable fat ass booted from a Southwest Airlines flight this weekend. The reason: the pilot felt Mr. Smith was so fat that if he were allowed to remain in his seat, he could possibly bring the entire airplane down in a big ball of fat-fueled fire. If you know Smith from his movies (he's best known as the Silent Bob character in his movies), you know he's overweight, but he's not Jabba the Hutt big. He could get the armrests down just fine (didn't spill out over or ooze under them), buckle the belt without one of those Extend-O-Belt things, and the plane didn't list to the side from his weight. Hugely unfair, and it's been an entertaining saga to follow as he tweets about it. Still, I can't help but think that there but for the grace of God goes my big fat keester.

Reason #36: Alexander McQueen

Despite my girth, I've long wished to be able to fit myself into one of Alexander McQueen's fabulous designs. Since he appeared on the scene, he's been known for dramatic runway shows with fantastical designs, and gorgeous ready-to-wear clothing that, while still high-end, was relatively affordable compared to other designers. I'd spent many hours in Vegas staring at the window of his shop in the Wynn, longing for the colorful garments that seemed so out of reach. Today, I learned the dumbass killed himself. Hopefully I'll still be able to wear one of his dresses--the House of Versace keeps turning out stuff years after his death--but for now, I'll mourn the end of one of fashion's most creative forces.

Reason #35: Being a Big Loser

Sometimes I wonder if Biggest Loser's Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels when the cameras finish rolling, go back to a special VIP room where only super-fit personal trainer types are allowed to park their super-tight asses. There, they sip light import beers and make fun of all the moo-cows they scream at on the show. I don't know about you, but I want Bob and Jillian to like me. If you're less than 100 lbs overweight, you're not eligible to go on the program. But, if you're tubbier than that, you're within the desired range, and at risk of having the duo yell at you. Although some might argue that being disciplined by Jillian wouldn't be an all-bad thing (no comment).

Reason #34: Beer

Benjamin Franklin once said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." We agree wholeheartedly. And while you should enjoy beer in moderation, it's acceptable to go a little overboard once in awhile and visit the Land of Lush. If you're heavy, though, it takes a heckuva lot more Pabst (or Miller, or Red Stripe, or whatever your brew of choice may be) to attain that pleasant buzz--which means paying the bartender a bigger share of your hard-earned money. Stay thin and save money? I'll drink to that.

Reason #33: Doctor's Orders

If you're fit and healthy, you'll never have to hear a doctor tell you that you need to lose weight, eat better, get more exercise, etc. You probably know that you could stand to part with a few pounds, and that you should get to the gym more often, and that you should maybe eat fewer Big Mac value meals. However, having someone in a white coat tell you all that makes your un-fitness all that more real, and more than a little embarrassing.

Reason #32: Jeans

Curves--like the ones so ably sported by Mad Men actress Christina Hendricks--look fabulous in jeans. Stunning, in fact. Fat...well, not so much. Further, it is a hell of a lot easier finding an affordable pair of jeans to fit your bod if you're in decent shape, compared to when you're than blobby and totally out of shape. And no one should ever--EVER!--have to wear a pair of jeans with elastic in the waistband. Those aren't even jeans; they're wearable humiliation.

By the way, if you're digging the pics of Ms. Hendricks sporting jeans and fetching her dry cleaning, there's more where they came from--you can either click the pic at left for the rink, or just click RIGHT HERE

Reason #31: Energy!

OMG, when you're in great shape, you feel GREAT! GREATGREATGREAT! It's like being on drugs, only cheaper, and you're not going to overdose on fitness. You'll just feel less like a couch-bound lump, and more like a well-fueled machine. This means you can do all the stuff you're obligated to do throughout the day (work, watching kids, etc.) AND be a lot less likely to crash when it comes time to do stuff for yourself. Me time is awesome.